Ancient Stories I Once Wrote

The Tale of Tyrel, a Male out of Jail.

So this rough diamond appeared on my Facebook page today. I thought I wrote this for college for a challenge, but I guess I did it nearly ten years ago, where the challenge was to use only ONE rhyme sound (and near-rhymes) as often as possible and create some sort of story. 

A later version of this ALSO had 21 syllables in each line, but I have no idea where it is but I’ll post it when I find it. But for now, enjoy the Director’s Cut!

Ancient Stories I Once Wrote

The Tale of Tyrel, a Male out of Jail.

My name is Tyrel, and I’m going to tell, of a time that I easily got out of jail.
How did I prevail? I can’t merely tell and I have to say that you would probably fail.

One day the guard Dale, was walking and fell, and while he did wail his lip started to swell.
He said “Oh holy grail! Why be I so frail!” I sensed in him ail, the visage he had being all white and pale.

As slow as a snail, I reached through the rail and grabbed what felt like it must be a bell.
This holy grail, meant you this frail male Dale? Your ail where you fail will make me prevail!

With time growing stale, there was not time to wail, quickly I had to blaze this dead trail!
At first all went well, then a yell “You aren’t Dale!” the source of the yell, something I must quail!

Like the first-class mail, this Dale saw me sail, out of the jail, and straight out of Hell!
I stayed on a trail, ‘til I knew it not well, and suddenly ran into a rather large male.

“My name’s Christian Bale.” I heard the male tell, a man no mistake was not a frail Dale.
Cared I for his tale? Not when fresh out of jail, and I told Christian Bale “Go straight down to Hell.”

Not knowing Bale well, the male grabbed me with a yell, “Now you go to a place where no cab you can hail!”
And with that Christian Bale threw me into a deep well.

But I fell on… a whale?
Ha, Christian Bale! Tyrel did prevail, he never can fail, you slimy old snail!

On that whale I did sail, down an underground trail until I arrived at the town of Fontraile.
Thank you kind whale, sending me through the dell, my means of escape from that old wretched well!

I walked through Fontraile, a town hard to spell well, could you believe who I saw, Ha, not Christian Bale!
It was Walter Winchell, reporter tell-tale, and beside then I inhale a kind of good smell!

“Hi Walter Winchell, my name is Tyrel, I wonder have you any baked goods to sell?”
“Tyrel, and a male… I wonder are you the same that I heard did sail out of jail?”

“I did sail on a whale, and met Christian Bale. Know you that he would yell at a male reading Braille?
“Surely you aren’t well, for I know Christian Bale, he built a monorail for those needing Braille!”

All was not well, I could easily tell, and I knew I must bid Walter Winchell farewell!
“Farewell sir Winchell, you’re right I’m not well, I ate a blue scale with a taste rather stale!”

Away from Fontraile, I did flail with no trail until I fell over a yellow lunch pail.
A yellow lunch pail? Within Ginger Ale? Through what sort of veil had I Tyrel fell?

Besides Ginger Ale, there was also a quail, within that lunch pail that I did also unveil.
It had an odd smell, that oddly placed quail, so I tossed that stale quail, right over the rail.

Over the rail came an overweight male, with the appearance of one who once went to Yale.
And on the drail of the male was the very same quail, that stale quail that I’d tossed right over the rail!

“Make reason prevail, do not send a quail, over a rail for someone you may nail.”
My look did look stale, and I wanted to bail, but I tripped on the lid of the yellow lunch pail!

Then the male from Yale, I did hear him yell,
“By chance are you he whom they tell is Tyrel?”

I ran from sir Yale and he could not prevail,
And boy did he wail, “TYREL! TYREL!” As he chased at pace that could rival a snail.

My name is Tyrel, I escaped from jail, but how Yale knew, I couldn’t quite tell.
I ran down a path with no trail, when there in a sudden I read “Welcome to Crail.”

Inside of Crail, I moved like a gale, when all of sudden it started to hail!
And it fell, fell, fell, all over poor Crail! Oh how swell, how swell was the this gale around Crail!

“There is Tyrel, the bloke from the jail!” I heard some angry old townspeople yell.
I backed up and did quail, it seemed I would fail, when I thought I could take the near brail and rappel

And rappel I did well, away from Crail and the ever enlarging golf ball sized hail!
I thought it went well but I could never foretell that below would be something unwell…

The frail male Dale! I could instantly tell, that things were about to become quite unwell.
Above they dumped ale, in one was a nail, and below was to fail by the frail male named Dale!

They would never prevail! Tyrel would not fail!
Then came the male from near Yale with the quail.

He yelled with the gail, “Ha ha, Tyrel, you’ve been Caught by the snail!”  and seeing the snail, I must have done fail.
And he threw down at me the yellow lunch pail, And I fell, fell, fell… Right on top of the frail male named Dale.

“It’s over Tyrel, now come back to jail! Do not force me to pell you, Tyrel!”
“Aren’t You the frail Dale? You cannot prevail!” I taunted, I shouted, I laughed and did yell.

But Dale did flail out, a sheet of chain mail, and an item I did know was meant to impale.
“I give in frail Dale, I’ll go back to jail! But know it was from you that I escaped from that Jail!”

The townsfolk of Crail, they cried and did wail, “Hooray bad Tyrel, you’ll go back to jail!”
The fat male from Yale, he brandished his quail, “Goodbye grim Tyrel, I will see you in Hell!”

My arms did not flail; I did not yell, I was simply defeated, brought back by male Dale.
And now where I hail, is back in that jail, while outside grins smugly that once frail male Dale.

My name is Tyrel, and one day I’ll tell, of the time when forever I got out of jail.

Interview with Deanna Fugett, Author of Ending Fear

 

This question will determine your future career as an author:

Yes or No: Pineapples on Pizza?

Yes. There is no other way.

 

So, Deanna, the title of your book, Ending Fear, it’s more than meets the eye, right? How did you come up with it?

The book is about a girl named Fear, and yes, she is afraid. It does have the double meaning of course, so I thought it was a bit clever. Probably not that clever. But I tried.

 

Since this name relates to a character, are you giving us a major spoiler right upfront?

Well, you will have to read the book to find that out because SPOILERS SUCK!

 

Lots of authors go through an agent, then the agent gets them a publisher. You seemed to skip right over that. How did you get so amazing?

No amazingness to behold. I did have two agents interested, but I got the publishing contract offered through a small publisher called Love2ReadLove2Write, so I took that rather than going through an agent. I figured, okay, one is going to take years possibly to get my book published and then they take some of my money, or I can get it published now and keep all my money. The decision was fairly simple. I get how rare my situation is. I can only point to the Big Man Upstairs on that one.

 

Revisions. Those must have happened, right? How different is the final product than the original?

Well, it’s the same story essentially. I haven’t had to do anything drastic like change the plot or alter the storyline. Nor did I have to get rid of any characters or anything like that. But the edits.

OH MAN, those edits. Lots and lots and lots of editing. So while the story has been added to, it’s essentially the same story, just much better fleshed out and worded much better. That took a lot of learning, researching, and effort.

I know you were able to see Ending Fear in its earlier stages as my FASTEST beta reader! (Thanks again for that, BTW) But I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with how it turned out in its polished, final stage. At least I hope you will.

 

Do you have a private office for writing with a bunch of bookshelves and a ladder on wheels? Or do you write somewhere not as cool?

Definitely not as cool. I write mainly at my kitchen table. Yeah. No massive bookshelves and definitely no ladders on wheels. Only in my dreams. Sigh. Now I need to go watch Beauty and the Beast.

 

How much input do you get for the front and back cover? Did you patrol the streets and find some random girl and say “Her, that’s Fear!” and corner her for a picture?

Ha! That’s awesome. Nope. I wish I could have found someone off the streets. Imagine the person’s surprise at being randomly offered the spot on front cover of a book!

My publisher and my cover artist Sara Helwe actually did most of it. But I did get to help with opinions. Mainly, “Yes,” “No,” or “I don’t know” type input.

There was one funny situation where I swear Fear had a little pimple on her face and I kept telling my publisher and cover designer and they couldn’t see it on their copies of the picture. But for some reason when the picture went through Facebook Messenger to me it messed up the pixels enough that there was one spot where she had a “blemish.” Luckily the zit didn’t end up on the front cover. J

 

Amazon’s page is teasing readers with “Book One of the Gliding Lands.” Does this mean Books 2 and 3 (Or 7 for Potter style) are already in the works? (Or have a draft or two done?)

I have the second book done but not polished. The next few months will be devoted to polishing it up. And then, book three will get drafted after (or possibly during) that. I honestly already have about 50 pages done of the third book as well. But the second book needs about 50 more pages, so maybe I should just shove all that third book stuff into the second? Huh? What do you think?

 

Does it feel nice to respond to skeptical Downers with “Yes, I write actual books” as your job?

Hehehe. I see what you did there.

Honestly haven’t run into many Downers who’ve said that to me. Probably because I was a SAHM for so long and didn’t have a job. So now, people are just like, “Oh, you’re writing? That’s so cute!” Yeah…maybe someday we writers will get someone to take us seriously.

 

When you aren’t writing, do you prefer reading books or doing Mensa Brainteasers?

*Looks up Mensa Brainteasers* Oh. Nope. No high-IQ over here.

Book reading is always pretty important to a writer, I’d say. But honestly I prefer having tea with chimps. It’s just more fun all around.

 

Do you regularly do work in an Adult Onesy?

All. The. Time. How did you know? *Checks for hidden cameras around the house.*

 

How does it feel to be doing what you love?

Amazing. Spectacular. Phenomenal. There’s really nothing better.

They say once you start getting paid for doing what you love it loses its magic. I just don’t see that happening with writing. It’s something once you start becomes a huge part of who you are. To stop now would be like ripping a giant piece out of my heart. And that would sting. Quite a bit.

 

Thanks for the interview, it was so awesome to be a part of your blog! Truly appreciate you giving me the opportunity.

Doing the scavenger hunt? Don’t miss the next step from Liv K Fisher!

Be sure to pick up your copy of Ending Fear on July 18th on Amazon! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B073G8Y5MZ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

How a Business Book Applies to Writing

Recently, I read The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. And even though it’s a tool hijacked by Amway recruiters,  it has some solid principles of good business strategies that I’ve always personally stood by. But what about the writing itself? Not so great. While it’s a world I don’t plan on entering, it got me to think about writing, and how if you want to use writing as a business (aka, make money with it) some of the ideas translate well to quality writing.

They have 5 laws of “Stratospheric Success”, which I’ll draw from to make “The Laws of Stratospheric Novel Writing”(No aliens required). To keep it simple, I’ll only use three. And like many laws, you break it, you buy it.

  1. Be authentic

As easy as this sounds, it’s one a lot of people have a hard time following. As a youngling, I was one of them. I remember writing stories growing up and being obsessed with the Flesch reading ease test and the grading level it gave in Word. But since this isn’t actual people, but a program (and an old one at the time), it’s not like it could actually read or interpret my words. So how do they do it? With MATH!

206.835 – (1.015 x Average words per sentence) – (84.6 x Average syllables per word) = Readability Ease

And for grade level,

0.39 x Average words per sentence +11.8 x Average syllables per word -15.59

So obvious, how could I miss it? 206.835, of course! Using MATH to figure out if words make sense! I wonder if the reverse is true…?

0x =   Sox Wow! It is!

And trying to adjust my writing to increase my grade level to make me feel smarter did no favors to the writing. Phrases like “As soon as he had a grand enough inferno initiated” for starting a campfire doesn’t do much good for he, the fire, or the reader.

This is often the case when authors try to write to please someone else. And whether that someone else is your friends, publishers, or an imaginary audience, changing to try to fit someone else’s ideals usually means lower quality for everyone. And if you don’t believe me, agent Chip MacGregor touched up on this in a recent blog post.

2. Take constructive criticism

This is mostly for trying to get your work published, since if you’re writing for fun or for yourself, who cares what anyone else says? Giant pizza-cats planning to turn the universe into a litter box from within the sun’s core? Sure.

But for query letters, competitions, and the like, if you want someone to look at it and they have an idea to improve it, it could be for the best. Of course, some people will find problems in everything, even Jack Black’s best song in the world. So when that happens, look back at number 1; are they trying to change the story to something that’s no longer yours? You might be better off ignoring it. But if they genuinely want to help you make your story better, keep the advice in mind.

3. Read!

While it’s true that a solid way to get better at your own writing is to read, there’s another reason for that. You want people to read your work, right? Other people want the same! Wow! What a coincidence!

Reading is in essence giving back to the community. Like taxes. Or something good that’s the same thing. Tom’s shoes maybe? No, more like stuffed gorillas.

Reading other authors helps in a lot of ways. It helps them feel valued. Or get a bigger paycheck. But it also helps you. You can get positive inspiration–things that you’ll want to add to your own writing–or negative inspiration–things you definitely don’t want in your own writing–that will improve your writing either way. Plus it can give your Netflix queue a break.

And always remember, vigilantes break the laws for the greater good!

Tom Loves to Ride

Tom and ________: A Ride to the Park

It was a pleasantly warm day. Sunny, but not hot. Tom loved these kinds of days the most, the kind of day that was too nice to stay indoors.

In fact, it was such a nice day that Tom thought he’d take a stroll to the park. The park! There were swing sets and slides and picnic tables and all kinds of fun. Tom had just made up his mind when he remembered what a drag it was to walk all the way to the park. If only he had a way to get there faster… Continue reading

Tom and _________: Best Friends for Never

Tom loved his mama.

Being the only animal in the house, Tom savored every morsel of attention he could snatch. Tom and Mama spent lots of time together. She let him curl up with him at nights. She took him out walking and to the beach. She even let him lick right off of the spoon.

Tom Mama

“Nom nom!”

Tom loved his mama.

But one day, his mama got a call. Rinnnnng rinnnnng! Rinnnnng rinnnnng! Rinnnnng rinnnnng! Tom never did like the ringer. Mama would ignore him when she was on the ringer. She’d push him away when he wanted attention. But he got used to it.

This time was different.

This time, Mama put down the ringer and Tom dashed over and rubbed against her. Puurrrrrrrr! But Mama still ignored him. He tried again. She still didn’t move. Tom hated the ringer! Finally, Tom stood up and stretched his paws up as high as he could and looked at her.

Mama picked him up.

“Tom, Mama just got the call she’s been waiting for! Mama’s going to be a real-live author!” Tom purred proudly. Mama’s persistence paid off! He knew how much this meant for her.

But then Mama looked sad.

“Mama’s gonna have to go away for awhile.” Tom’s ears fell back. “But don’t worry! Mama will make sure someone will come by and keep you company. Mama will be back in no time! You’ll just love auntie!”

The next day, Mama left. “Don’t forget about me!” She called out. As soon as Mama got in that yellow beast, Auntie stepped in the house and closed the door behind her.

Tom didn’t know what to think about Auntie. But when she started making chocolate cake, Tom’s favorite, he thought it wouldn’t be so bad.

He was wrong.

“Oh no, Auntie don’t let no cats in the kitchen! Get!”

Auntie Kitchen

“I said GET!”

Tom was surprised. Mama always let him in the kitchen. That night, Tom slept in the cat bed for the first time in his life.

The next day, Tom thought he would give Auntie another chance. Until they showed up. Auntie had her own friends. And they decided this was their house.

These monsters chased him.

Tom Bites

“Can’t we be friends?”

They bullied him.

Tom Attacked

“That hurts!”

And they wouldn’t let him play.

Tom Tennis

“Wanna play a game?” “Not with YOU!”

Tom didn’t know what to do. This had always been his house, but then these bullies…! It wasn’t fair! Why did he have to be bullied? Why did he have to do whatever they said?

 

Tom Dressup

“Dance in your little costume, DANCE!”

How could they be so mean? Why did they have to be in charge? Tom didn’t know what to do. Mama was gone. He didn’t have any friends.

Tom was lonely.

 

Tom Lonely

“If I could only have some friends…”

The monsters, they liked being in charge. It was fun. Tom didn’t know what it felt like. Was it really as fun as they made it seem? If only he had someone to tease…

That’s when he finally saw a friend.

 

Jerry and Nibbles Milk

“TWO of them?!”

 

 

The only problem?

 

 

No one else could.

 

Jerry and Nibbles (Gone)

“Why hello there… FRIENDS!”

 

Tom and __________

Tom and ___________

Have you ever had an imaginary friend? No? What about someone you know? Probably. These friends are made for many reasons, but we often think of them as being a kid thing.

But what about animals?

Ever see your cat or dog stare at the wall when nothing’s there? Sure, it could be a ghost or a portal to an evil dimension. Or it could be something benign.

If animals are people too, it’s only right that they create these friends just like many of us. Drawing from Tom and Jerry and all their crazy antics I used the comics (yes they have comics too, but then again, what doesn’t?)

Ol’ Tom Cat got into a lot of trouble over the years, didn’t he? Chasing that little turd around trying to get him out of the house once and for. Or maybe, he was never chasing a mouse at all. Maybe, he was chasing something bigger. Maybe, he was chasing… Himself. (!)

Check back for updates!

Tom and __________

Aww, isn’t he precious?!

Spam Can

Scam in the Spam Can

We all get scam emails, probably every day. And in the midst of winning foreign lotteries and lost royalty reaching out, there’s some real gems. While they’re trying to steal your credit cards, you identity, and even your dog, they might as well be a little more direct. They should try something like this instead:

From: <AmericanBanker911@hotmail.com>

Subject: Your Bank Account has Been Suspended

Dear Valued Member,

This email is to advise you that several invalid login attempts have been made at your online account at either US Bank, Bank of America, or Wells Fargo. To protect your privacy, the specific bank has not been identified and your account has been temporarily suspended.

In order for your account to be reactivated, please update your information by sending us the following information: Name of Institution, Username, Password, Mother’s Maiden Name, Name of First Pet, High School Mascot, and Model of First Car.

Your account is important to us. Please reply as quickly as possible so your account may be reinstated.

American Bankers Protection Union

Note: Attempting to log in to online banking before replying with verified account information will result in permanent termination of account and all funds within.

Focus on your passion, friends!

So, I know I said I was going to have time for these now, and I thought it was true. I forgot saying that gives the “How could things get any worse” effect. I almost got my first house, then we backed out to rent so the wife could focus on school. Which means moving time and all that fun stuff, and it happened all of a sudden. Like always.  But then, if The Hobbit was called “An Expected Journey”, it probably wouldn’t have been as good.

anti-dragon-spray

Overpreparedness dulls any journey.

Continue reading