Lifesaving recipe: Healthy Pizza Dough

Pizza. Proof that humanity is on a different plane than the animals. And the reason we haven’t consumed each other; we’re too busy consuming pizza instead.

Pizzaless World

A pizzaless world

I make a good pizza. A really good pizza. Like, good enough to end Batman and Superman’s fight from ever starting. It’s a perfectly-crafted recipe slowly developed over 500 different attempts, each one slightly modified from the last, with successes and failures, and now the only reason to order in is for a quick fix.
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Don’t give up the pizza!

Normal dieting is a lot like this.

 

And it’s hard. As fat old TV personalities say, “I have to die from something!” and seeing what some people choose to eat on diets like a 32 oz smoothie for an entire day, I’ll take the premature scythe. As horrible as those fad diets are, they don’t really work, do they? Often, after a little while, they end up like this.

Be chubby or give up the point of living? Tough call. How about neither? Over the past five years I’ve developed ways to devour entire pizzas and still lose weight, no gel pills required. Don’t believe me? Fair enough. Yes, there’s a catch; it’s not as easy as going out to get a triple-all meat pizza hut with a size of cheesy bacon bread. The key is homemade, making these things with different, healthier ingredients. I have unlocked this incredible secret. And I am willing to share without even the cost of Handling fees.