Spam Can

Scam in the Spam Can

We all get scam emails, probably every day. And in the midst of winning foreign lotteries and lost royalty reaching out, there’s some real gems. While they’re trying to steal your credit cards, you identity, and even your dog, they might as well be a little more direct. They should try something like this instead:

From: <AmericanBanker911@hotmail.com>

Subject: Your Bank Account has Been Suspended

Dear Valued Member,

This email is to advise you that several invalid login attempts have been made at your online account at either US Bank, Bank of America, or Wells Fargo. To protect your privacy, the specific bank has not been identified and your account has been temporarily suspended.

In order for your account to be reactivated, please update your information by sending us the following information: Name of Institution, Username, Password, Mother’s Maiden Name, Name of First Pet, High School Mascot, and Model of First Car.

Your account is important to us. Please reply as quickly as possible so your account may be reinstated.

American Bankers Protection Union

Note: Attempting to log in to online banking before replying with verified account information will result in permanent termination of account and all funds within.

The most professional of writers

I got a writing job!

So it’s been a bit since I’ve been here. But for good reason. After devoting every free (and the rest of them too) moment of my time to writing, editing, and revising One Last Day, once it was finally complete there was a void. Of course, I’ve started working on a draft, but draft work isn’t nearly as intense.

Plus it’s time to get a house.

I did pretty good in school. And I have a degree, so figured I’d see if I can use it for something. Anyway, I weeded through some of those obviously fake jobs for a bit until I came across one that seemed legit. It paid a fair amount and didn’t need 56 years experience as a Dictator of a foreign Universe.

So now I’m a content writer, and I help make people get found on Google. It’s a good use of my skills and probably more useful than proofreading corporate pizza manuals.  Because I’m working full time and have to keep up on my own projects, I’ll probably be doing these posts once a week now. On Saturdays. (Or FAKE Saturdays since I can make them post whenever I want) But tomorrow is Christmas Eve, so, yeah. Next week. Plus the hinge on my metal keyboard laptop snapped off so I can’t open or close it, so it’s off to Repairland. For free thankfully. Buy them at Costco. Seriously.

No, I haven’t given up on being an author and I’m still going to write books. Always will. Hopefully it’ll work out eventually, and either way, I’ll be getting in a lot of practice. Because now I write for work. And then when I get home. Sometimes when I travel.

 

The Query Letter and Purpose of a Literary Agent

writingthedreamblog put up an excellent post today about Literary Agents and why aspiring authors might want to try for an agent instead of going straight to the publisher. I’ll be writing my own thoughts on this, but there’s some good advice here.



Hello, everyone! I just sent out my first batch of query letters to several literary agents (*crosses fingers excitedly*), so for this post I thought I would focus on the subject of literary agents…

Source: The Query Letter and Purpose of a Literary Agent

What To Do When You Sit Down To Pitch Your Novel In-Person

It’s always good to hear information from someone that knows what they’re talking about. And since I haven’t done the longer pitches, hearing how they work from a literary agent is probably better than any crazy theory I could come up with.



After attending conferences around North America for the past 6 years I’ve seen an array of pitching techniques. Some good. Some…not so good. I get it. It’s not easy to pitch your…

Source: What To Do When You Sit Down To Pitch Your Novel In-Person

The Two-Tiered Train Trip Tautogram

The Two-Tiered Train Trip Tautogram

Timmy traveled through the train’s Trough. The train’s Trough took these troubled travelers to their terminus.

Tommy traveled through the train’s Top Tier. The train’s Top Tier took these tony travelers to their terminus.

 

 

Timmy thought the train trip traversed terribly. Terrible, terrible, terribly trite! Timmy thought. Timmy thought that the train’s tycoon treated these trembling travelers trimly.

Tommy thought the train trip traversed terrifically. Terrific, terrific, terrifically tip-top! Tommy thought. Tommy thought that the train’s tycoon treated these trusting travelers thrillingly. Continue reading

The Writing Process: How Similar is too Similar?

Originality. That’s what sells. Tell that to the over 25 movie reboots/sequels and this hefty list of the same thing on TV in 2016. Yes, there’s a lot.

Blank Paper

A list of original ideas from Hollywood this year

Then there’s the argument that there’s only 7 plots. I don’t buy into that oversimplification personally, because really, there’s ONE plot. Yep, that’s it. Here it is: “There’s a conflict. It’s resolved” (NOT being resolved counts as a way of being resolved, strangely enough). So really, every story is just a derivative of Gilgamesh, because it was the first we know of to use the ONE plot.

Continue reading

The Writing Process: How Many Times should you revise?

Of course, there’s no magic number. Hopefully, we all know that. But we can also agree, there’s one we can all agree on.

One greater Zero

Yeah, more than that.

The thing is, you have to come up with your own process. And sometimes it takes awhile for the Emperor to find his New Groove. It’s important though, to find what works FOR YOU. Not for J.K. Rowling, not for Stephen King, not that kid who got a point or two higher than you on his Biology essays, but YOU.

Continue reading

Some Six Word (or fewer) stories

So I was once told that Hemingway’s six word stories were extremely difficult. For anyone who hasn’t heard of these, the original is “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” There can be a lot said in so few words. So in that same spirit, I decided to come up with several of them myself:

He really believed he could fly.

Wow! That coffee really is hot!

Are you sure this is chicken?

Headline: Winning ticket sucked in shredder.

In the mirror, she saw nothing.

The switch flipped; the sizzle began.

No, that one’s the litter cake.

The cage should have been locked…

The map shows it’s right here!

Honey? Then who the hell’s this?

About Fluffy… Yeah…

Finally, an Armageddon prediction was right.

Don’t worry, our shampoo is gluten-free.

But… The TV… is unplugged…

Jane, I’m not your real mother.

Three… Weren’t there four before?

That wasn’t juice.

The cake is a lie.

Huh? Aren’t you my cable guy?

The real John wouldn’t do that!

Your flight has been delayed indefinitely.

Wanted: unlicensed gun, will return soon.

 

Hope you enjoyed! For more, there’s a site devoted to these: http://www.sixwordstories.net/